Why Do I Do Things I Don't Want To Do?

We have all had the thought at some time in our life, "Why did I do that?" or "Why did I say that?" or "I wish I could stop feeling this way!" Then we had to live with the remorse and regret, the feelings of blame and guilt, wishing we could retract what we had said or done. Have we ever stopped to consider that maybe it wasn't us doing or saying those things? If we do things that we don't want to do, is it really us doing those things, or is it something else getting us to do those things? If we were always in control of our choices, thoughts and actions, wouldn't we all be doing the things we wanted to do? After all, who wants to feel depressed, sad, guilty, hateful, hurt, or left out, to name a few? These are all very unpleasant feelings that lead to unpleasant actions. We can go to the scriptures to find the answers and get control of our life.

In Rom. ch.7 Paul puts himself in the place of someone who is controlled by sin. He expresses that when he does things he doesn't want to do and can't do the things he wants to, he comes to one conclusion: It's not him doing it, but sin that dwells in him. Sin is in our thought processes, which in turn causes us to say and do things that we don't want to say or do (Pro.24:9).

Our mind is like a field (Jer.22:29). We're born into this world with fertile soil ready to receive seeds or ideas (Luk.8:11). We're hungry for information. Unfortunately, as we grow up, a lot of seeds blow into the field of our mind that are not good. In the natural, it can be difficult to tell the difference between a weed and a good plant at an early stage. We often couldn't tell the difference between a life-promoting and a life-taking idea. We were just an open field. An interesting point to note is that the field is not the weeds. It is merely the receiver of the weeds, and the weeds are not a permanent part of the field. The weeds can be dug up by the roots, and good seeds can be planted in that field (Mat.13:24-30,37-43).

This is the condition of our mind as we grow up in this world. We get good ideas planted or taught to us by parents, family, teachers, etc. We nurture and take care of these ideas, and they grow (Gen.1:11,12) and bring forth good fruit in our mind (Gal.5:22, Heb.13:15). Tares or weeds also get planted in our mind, and these grow up along with the good seeds and succeed in crowding some of them out. But the weeds or sins are not us; they get planted in our mind. An example might be that we're taught not to lie, a good seed. Then the phone rings, and mom says, "Tell them I'm not home." We learn it's okay to lie when it's convenient for us, a tare or weed. We see mom or dad exaggerate a story to make it sound juicier. We learn to lie to get attention. We see an older sister or brother lie to get out of trouble. We copy their bad example. The weed is growing and developing a root system. Before we know it, we may be lying when we don't want to, or we may be lying and really believe we're telling the truth. The lying thoughts are now controlling us.

Should we blame mom or dad, sister or brother, or ourself? No! They're just teaching us what they were taught, and we ignorantly (without any protection) took these ideas into the field of our mind. Jesus said, "The enemy that sowed them [the weeds or tares] is the devil" (Mat.13:39). Paul tells us in 2Ti.2:26 that we are taken captive by the devil at his will. We had the wool pulled over our eyes many times, so to speak. We may look at others and make judgments about their behavior. "How can they do something like that?" "I can't believe anyone could do something so awful." Well, don't believe it, because it's not that person doing that awful thing. We don't know what that person's past experiences have been. If his mind has only been exposed to negative thoughts, feelings and experiences without much good to choose from, then that is all that's growing in his field, and that's what he will speak out or manifest (Mat.15:18,19). We can't judge another person, unless we've walked in his shoes. Since we've never walked in anyone else's shoes through all their paths of life, we don't have a right to judge any other person (Mat.7:1-5; Rom.14:4,10,13). This understanding that sin is not us can help us grow mercy and compassion for others and for our own soul. We don't need to blame others or ourselves, but we can blame the source of evil, the devil and his angels who have sown down the field of our mind with weeds and weeds and more weeds.

We might have the thought, "Isn't it a cop out to say the devil made me do it?" No! In natural warfare, if you don't know who the enemy is, there's no way to win the war. The enemy is not us. The enemy is evil thoughts, feelings, words, and actions that originate with the devil and his angels, and have been passed on to humankind (Joh.8:44; 2Pt.2:4). The fact that we are not the enemy does not relieve us of the responsibility to take action.

The first step in taking control of our mind is to identify the enemy. This is called discernment, which is the ability to tell the difference between the wheat and the tares, or the good and the evil (1Ki.3:9, Eze.44:23, Mat.13:30). It can be difficult. Sin can be very subtle. For example, one might think that helping an elderly lady across the street is a very kind deed. There's nothing wrong with doing that. But what's our motive? Is it so everyone will think we're a wonderful person? Do we want people to look up to us? Jesus called the religious leaders hypocrites for wanting to be seen of men (Mat.6:5). Even knowledge in our mind that doesn't seem good or evil in and of itself (e.g., science, math, or housekeeping) can be tainted with wrong motives (e.g., feeling self right and superior about our knowledge of mathematics, and in turn making someone else feel inferior and stupid). There are numerous examples of sin.

Sin is not just words. It has power. That is why it is so successful in getting us to do things we don't want to do. This power fights against our will. The more a particular sin works in our life, the more powerful it becomes. For example, as a child we see dad lose his temper when things don't go right. We learn to throw temper tantrums to get our way. It may start by throwing toys, progress into fist fights as we get older, and then one day the anger may be so strong that we kill someone. These are very real and common problems. This power comes from the devil and his angels. The enemy does have power (Luk.22:53, Act.26:18, Eph.2:2, Eph.6:12, Col.1:13), but God's power is greater (Luk.10:19, Eph.3:20). We need to learn how to access and use God's power.

Sin is hard to control because sin is rarely a single thought, feeling or idea. It's like a train with many cars that connect with each other. For example, we may judge someone doesn't like us because she didn't smile at us when we smiled at her. This is followed by hurt and self-doubt (what's wrong with me?), comparing (she smiled at Joe yesterday), self-condemning (maybe it's because I'm fat), cover up (I don't care anyway), hate, anger, and revenge (I'll just ignore her). Maybe later we learn that she had a fight with her spouse that morning, and her lack of reaction had nothing to do with us. This weed didn't just pop into our mind in this situation. It already had a root system developed.

It is important for us to learn to discern the lies and deceit in the weeds the devil is trying to plant. This is a powerful tool to help us keep weeds out of our garden. When we can discern the lie in what they're saying, we can stop believing them. For example, if thoughts tell us what people are thinking, we can say, "I don't know what they're thinking unless they tell me. Don't judge" (Mat.7:1). Sometimes the lies are very blatant (I didn't take the cookie), and sometimes they're more subtle (I can't do anything right). We can start talking back to these thoughts and ask them specific questions such as: Is it really true I can't do anything right, or did I just make one mistake, and these weeds are telling me I'm a failure? Isn't this thought an exaggeration? Who says you have to get something perfect the first time? How about a little mercy on myself? Discerning the lie in what these thoughts tell us can help us see right through them, so we don't fall for their tricks time and time again. We don't have to continue being naive and gullible (Mat.10:16).

How do we get the root of this sin out of our mind? We go back to when the weed was first planted. For example, when I was five, I was helping mom do dishes, and I broke a piece of her favorite china. She gave me a stern look and sent me to my room, and I felt hurt and angry. From then on, whenever someone gave me a stern look or didn't smile at me, I felt hurt, etc. We can get help from a gift of discernment (1Co.12:10) in someone who has separated the wheat from the tares in their own mind (Mat.13:30), to help us weed our garden and get an understanding of sin. The scriptures are also a great source of discernment (Heb.4:12). They are like looking in a mirror to help us see the dirt on our face (Jam.1:23,24).

Once we discern the weeds and get the roots, we can get a strong weed killer. Scripturally, this is called the power of grace (Zec.12:10,13:1 spirit of grace . . . for sin and for uncleanness). This power can uproot every rotten, miserable thought or feeling that has ever controlled us (2Co.10:4,5). We can bring sin captive to us rather than being captive to it (2Co.10:5 bringing into captivity every thought).

We can't leave our field empty, or weeds will grow back quickly. The next step is to plant some good seeds in our mind - God's words or discernment ideas such as, "I didn't originate math. I was taught it. I can't take credit for it. Thank God for whatever intelligence I have," or "I don't know what that person is thinking. Maybe he's not smiling because he's having a hard day. Maybe I can show some kindness to help lighten his load." We can get some fruits of the spirit (Gal.5:22

love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness) planted in our mind, and they can grow and bring forth after their kind to replace the evil that has been in our mind (2Pt.1:2, Gen.1:11,12, 2Co.8:7).

In summary, the simple reason we do things we don't want to do is that we get sin planted in our mind that ends up controlling us. The sin is not us. We get taught to sin by seeing and hearing the things that go on around us (2Pt.2:7,8). The more a sin works in our mind, the bigger it grows and the stronger it gets. Sin has power. It is made up of many thoughts and feelings. It always lies to us. With the help of a gift of discernment, we can separate the wheat from the tares or the good from the evil and get to the root of the problem. Just as it came in, it can go out (Mat.12:43,44, Luk.8:30,33, Mar.5:8,13,15). The power of grace can root the sin out of our mind (Mat.9:6, Mat.10:1, Luk.17:6). We can reseed our garden with beautiful plants and flowers, good ideas and feelings that we want to share with others (Col.3:8-16, 2Pt.1:5-8). In the natural you wouldn't give a handful of ugly weeds to someone you love. Spiritually, we don't want to give other people our sins because these will kill them (Rom.6:23). We want to share feelings and ideas that will promote their life and make them feel good (Eph.4:29).

We can start doing what we want to do, thinking what we want to think, feeling what we want to feel, and saying NO to sin! We do have a choice (Jos.24:15, Isa.7:15). We can be free from sin in this life (Joh.8:32,36, 2Co.3:17) by going through a very logical, methodical process. It's as simple as gardening. If you can understand how to take care of a garden, then you can understand how to take care of your mind. We can find out who we really are and be who we were meant to be! Praise God!